Posted on

Hackney Road and agoraphobia

Tuesday, 16 January, 2018

Yesterday I had a plan – in my free time I wanted to go to Hoxton and along Great Eastern Street to check out any new street art. I also thought about having lunch and making the most of the three of four spare hours. But when I got out, the plan collapsed.

From the age of seven, I’ve had agoraphobia. I was twenty-seven before I had a name for it but it was instantly clear that’s what it was when I read a newspaper lifestyle article about it. This was me! It’s too long a story but the short version is that I pushed and pushed to get someone to agree to my self diagnosis, and then I found the doctor who knew how to assess and treat it. It was hard work but I now consider myself recovered. Recovered like an alcoholic is recovered, only one step away from relapsing!

I cope day to day and am generally proud of myself. Then every now and again I have one of those days. Like yesterday.

Standing at the bus stop to go to Hoxton, I faltered. Butterflies in my stomach (which I know now are ectopic heartbeats) lightheaded, shakiness, feeling of fear and doom. I wanted to turn back for home but, after a good talking to myself, I decided to jump on the bus anyway and see what happened.

Bus stop at Hackney Town Hall, with the Hackney Empire behind me
Bus stop at Hackney Town Hall, with the Hackney Empire across the road

I made a compromise with myself. I’d go to the Cambridge Heath station stop and walk along Hackney Road. Having a plan (and a parachute in the form of my bus pass, mobile phone, and friendly camera) off I went and off I got at the promised spot. Once out of the bus I knew what I wanted to do – walk down one side of the road as far as Hackney City Farm and then up the other.

It was a deal! And here follow the photos.

Loretto Queen and Corgi street art
I’ve seen this Loretto from the bus many times and this is the first time I’ve stood next to it and taken the photo
Cambridge Heath graffiti alley
This alley beside the railway tracks is rich in street art but today I was alone so didn’t go down

Hackney Road street art
Hackney Road has a huge amount of street art

Hackney Road oddities
Along the way some interesting things to look at. A florist specialising in cacti and a pawnbroker’s sign outside what is now a corner bar

Continue reading “Hackney Road and agoraphobia”

Posted on

London Street Art, Dennis Severs House, Rediscovering Artillery Passage

1 December 2017

Redundant Medical report: Last Friday I got a flu shot. I told the nurse I was feeling a bit ‘off’ but we went ahead with it anyway. ‘Off’ in this case was a shakey, anxious feeling that I often get in the morning – from anxiety, from my PVCs, from low blood sugar, who knows!

Friday I didn’t do much. My arm was sore and I felt a bit tired. All normal reactions. That night my feet and hands were crampy – again, seemed normal for the situation. Saturday I relaxed and let it wash over me. Sunday morning I was supposed to meet Caroiine for a flower market and museum visit but she cancelled because she was ill. I was disappointed but by just after lunch I too was feeling ill.

I doubt it was the flu shot. I think I was already sickening for something and I remember now that crampy or cold feelings in my feet can often be a signal for me – no idea why. Monday and Tuesday I just stayed on the couch, Netflixing!  And I made a doll for Esmeralda, who had requested one like her – olive skin, almond eyes and colourful, but smaller than my usual dolls. She actually wanted a few different ones with different moods but I was unprepared for how much longer the smaller ones take so she’s getting one!

Esmeralda's doll
Esmeralda’s doll

Continue reading “London Street Art, Dennis Severs House, Rediscovering Artillery Passage”

Posted on

Mini Jetlag and the Freud Museum

Wednesday, 22 November 7:14am

The view changes - our Robot posse
The view changes – our Robot posse

This time last week we were waking up in Torino and getting our lives back into two big and one little suitcase. We looked out and across to the Alps and to Superga.

Yes, today marks one week.

That first night I climbed into a bed made with icy sheets and woke the next morning earlier than I wanted. Mini jetlag! I remember our first weeks in Italy, napping on the couches after lunch and how luxurious and necessary it felt. No naps in London despite the fatigue.

What does it mean to ‘get back to normal’? I don’t think I’m there yet and, at any rate, being away means a strange compulsion to do something different now – only I’m not sure what.  Normal is not what I strive for but…

Normal life in Hackney?
Normal life in Hackney?

Blogging will be sporadic from now on…maybe.
Continue reading “Mini Jetlag and the Freud Museum”

Posted on

Santuaria della Consalata, Pingone, Burgheria and the Mozart hotel

Friday 10 November (Day Fifty-four)

Today Krish was going on a tour to Thales Aerospace and I stayed behind.  It was a lovely clear morning.

I stopped by the pasta shop to buy some ravioli. I feel like my Italian has halted and I need more practice! However, at least I can buy what I want and make myself understood. It’s vocabulary and fluency that I need to build.

I’ve decided to stop by the lovely little toy shop in the Quadrilatero and also visit the Santuaria della Consalata, since I had loved it on my very brief visit earlier.

The toy shop was chaotic as expected from the window and I had a lovely (English) chat with the owner about ‘Made in China.’ Bottom line, the items made in China are about a quarter of the price of those made in Italy, Germany or Czech. That’s a huge difference.

I went in to the Consolata and again was struck by how beautiful it was. There are several domed areas and each is different. Little chapels, a prayer area with confessionals, altars, an organ, balconies… This is a real treasure and, although I prefer plain, humble churches, this one has really caught my imagination. I wander around as quietly as I can among the people praying, and I light a candle to my mum and dad and whisper a silent thank you to them.

I head over to the little square at IV Marzo and treat myself to an ice cream. I choose lemon and sage (can’t taste the sage), and Crema d’uova. It’s delicious. I took a photo to show how very small the cups of gelato are. I haven’t ever wished they were bigger. It’s just enough for me.

Yes, I ate it all!

Up on the large dome at the Duomo that houses the shroud, I see they are hard at work, the orange construction vests contrasting with the grey of the dome and the scaffolding.

And then through the Porta Palatina, noticing the building near to the entrance. I’ve not looked at it as closely before and it’s apparently one of the oldest in the city.

Krish gets home and we have some ravioli and relax.
Continue reading “Santuaria della Consalata, Pingone, Burgheria and the Mozart hotel”

Posted on

Mosquitoes, Autumn in Torino, Fancy Shopping and the night lights

Wednesday, 8 November (Day Fifty-two)

A mosquito (or many) has been biting us. We’re itching and scratching and I’m swelling up in places since I sometimes have an allergic reaction. Not fun at all, Torino. Don’t your mosquitoes know their season is done? Temperatures are hovering around zero during the night. Enough!

Today was  a rainy one so we planned a circuit of the city on a few different buses.  However, in the morning we went to the market and picked up some food to last us a couple of days. I looked around for any of my Saturday rescuers but didn’t see any. I buy some smoked mozzarella, and some thin slices of veal to make Milanese. If you throw some lemon slices in the pan, they get caramelised and crunchy.  That’s what we have for lunch with a little fresh spaghetti from the local pasta shop.

Borage
Borage
Keep calm
Keep calm

Our first bus took us to an area where I really felt that autumn had arrived. I’m enjoying the smell of fallen leaves, the colours of the trees, and the different light in the sky (when there is some). The long straight streets, often lined with trees on the main thoroughfares, adds to this feeling. Winter is coming but it’s not here yet but the days are shorter – it’s dark before 6pm.
Continue reading “Mosquitoes, Autumn in Torino, Fancy Shopping and the night lights”