Not focussed…YET

Wednesday, 12 August, 2026

Today is a sit-at-the-laptop day so a good one to get started on the latest. Why the title? Well, I work on a mental health charity site (ssshhh, those who know who I mean). As part of our work, the charity gives us 45-minute monthly meetings where we discuss our mental health. Yes, the work can be emotionally challenging. We chat and share concerns and triumphs, but we also get a mini lesson on mental wellness. This comes from one. Whatever you think you are not getting done or right, say it but add the word yet.

I had my eye surgery follow-up yesterday. All is well. My right eye (the first) is noticeably less focussed than my left. My laconic surgeon assured me that this was normal and that in a month I could get glasses to correct my distance vision. Looking forward to that. I’m really good at seeing both sides of things. I can see my laptop screen and read most things – maybe I need a weak pair of reading glasses for that very tiny stuff too – but I can now see other things. What things? My wrinkles! And, wow, soft focus was good for one thing – I thought I was more attractive than this. Why did no one tell me? My vanity is in overload, so my next job is getting over it. I can’t get over it…YET.

Inert but annoying tools in the eye surgeon’s office

After the visit, I thought I might see Robin and send a package back to its sender. It was hot as I wandered through Kensington Market, which ends/begins at College Street where the surgeon was. I need basil. Kensington Market is a hippy throwback. It’s full of vintage clothing stores, street art, and eclectic places to eat. I’ve walked through here so many times over so many years and seen the changes.

The land was first purchased by George Taylor Denison (for whom an area street is named) and a home was built for him in 1815. The Denison estate was subdivided in the 1850s, and thirty years later, houses were built for the Irish and Scottish immigrant labourers coming to Toronto. The housing, some of which still stands, was built in the style of Victorian architecture row houses. (Must check that out, on Wales Street). That style persists. After the Irish and Scottish, other immigrant populations followed in waves. In the early twentieth century came Eastern European Jewish immigrants and some Italians, and like most immigrant areas, there was dense population and poverty. As the immigrants thrived, they moved within the area but to more space, better housing conditions, and opportunities to create storefront businesses. The market was born. The wider area was packed with tailors, furriers and bakers. There were 60,000 Jews by the 1920s and 1930s and over 30 local synagogues. When I arrived in Toronto and eventually found the area where I lived in the early 70s for a while, the area was still considered a Jewish market. When I arrived to live there briefly, the Jewish population dominated. They lived in the houses east of Spadina and above the stores in spacious apartments. Stores along Spadina and into the market were full of the immigrants’ preferred goods, jobbers, and in the market Eastern European food. I remember the crates of live chickens and the bustle of people buying their weekly food. In those days Saturdays had open air stalls on the street, only seen here now on special days in the warmer weather. The Jews moved out to the suburbs, and the immigrants from the Azores moved in and spread farther west, creating Little Portugal along Dundas Street West. They were followed by those from the Caribbean and East Asia. This was now an even more incredibly diverse community. During the Vietnam War, the American ‘draft dodgers’ and political objectors had arrived in Toronto, settling here and further east. The market took on and has pretty much maintained its hippy, bohemian air. The East Asians, particularly the Chinese, gradually took over the main street of Spadina Avenue, which borders Kensington Market and created a new Chinatown, the older one being closer to Yonge Street – the centre of Toronto. Then came even more immigrants, from Central America, Somalia, Ethiopia, Sudan, Iran, Vietnam, Chile and other global trouble spots. In the market, the choice of food and goods was, and remains, beyond eclectic. While the offerings in the market are ethnically diverse, the Latin Americans have a very strong presence, especially on Augusta Avenue. Enough tacos to build another CN Tower. Confession: all those immigrant waves might be slightly mixed up/out of order, there were so many, but I did my best. It’s eclectic!

The market’s architectural style hasn’t changed much. In the 60s the community escaped a plan to tear down the Victorian houses and replace them with modern apartment buildings, but there are a few higher-rise modern loft-style buildings at the edges of the market area.

Typical market Victorian style house


The Latin American and Mexican population of Toronto can buy all their home favourites in Kensington Market, especially on Augusta Avenue
Millions of pupusas have been eaten here. This store is a mainstay
Cheese Magic. A pricier cheese boutique and one store that’s hung on longer than most
The old, the new, and some cheap cigarettes (perhaps’Reservation cigarettes’ or ‘native smokes.’) I’m not sure. there are heavy rules involved, and they’re the sort of thing vendors hide under the counter.
Ontario peach season is here. My favourite pie this side of the Atlantic. No, I haven’t had any this year. Worth breaking the diet for? Hmm

There’s been gentrification here. No space to write about all the changes, but notably, there’s now one butcher remaining and one fish shop, where before there were at least three of each. The butcher of yesterday was a bustling and low-priced Eastern European meat market. The counters were piled high with smoked sausages, and ham hocks, and the smell of smoked and fresh meat hung in the air. For $2 I could buy a hock and make meals that stretched over two or three days. Those days are gone. The butcher now has much higher priced, fancier, fare and I can’t smell a thing.

In this spot there was a cheap butcher until this one took over. Not Cheap, Not At All
Sanagan’s has a British butcher, so they make these things. I’ve tried them all and 😕👎🏼

There could be chapters on Kensington Market (future focus!), but I needed to move on, if only to find shade. At the only remaining greengrocers (of the original) half dozen, I needed to buy basil, only to remember that the entryway stairs were going to be a problem. I’d already abandoned the idea of buying a samosa in the Indian restaurant due to the entry stairs. Samosa and chai is such a nice breakfast. Not today. I found the side entrance (no stairs) where a Chinese-speaking lady cleared a space for me and carried my walker up to the level where I could find the basil. I found it and some nice arugula (nothing like the UK rocket – different species here), paid, and then the same lady helped me down and out to the street. Yay for kindness. No photos of the store, that’s a miss.

Thwarted by the samosa and chai miss, I thought some dim sum might work instead. There was a place near the shop I wanted to visit, so I headed down to Dundas Street and over to Spadina Avenue. I found street and van art along the way. The market has a lot, no favourites here. I miss seeing good street art everywhere.

Tripping

It was such a hot day on Kensington Avenue. I love that they’re sweeping – gave me Italy vibes
Chinatown main intersection. By now I was wilting. Where the Rexall is was once a burlesque theatre

Dim sum was calling and I arrived to find another high step to get into the bakery. Ha. I made it in and ordered carefully. This is cash only and I had just $10. My order of chive and shrimp dumpling and a bottle of water came to $9.30. Just made it. Dim sum cost double of when I lived here with Robin, in an alley off Chinatown. While I was eating I remembered that the parcel return depot also had four steps. That’s that then. Robin called to say he couldn’t meet me, no shock, and I could hear he was in the shop almost next door to the parcel return. I was mid-dumpling and cool rest break, so I didn’t ask him to help. Another day. Instead I went to the Chinese supermarket that Robin’s apartment overlooks and bought what I needed.

Close to my dim sum goals in Chinatown

My shrimp and chive dumplings – very clean and clear
Toronto loves a Chinese bakery. Many cheap ‘treats’ but a far cry today from the 3 for a dollar offerings of yesterday
Purchases – newly favourite brand of fresh kimchim and I can never resist the ‘seafood’ mushrooms – Bunapi-shimeji

I’d visited the drugstore a bit earlier in the week. With my rides back from Chinatown and then this little visit, I conquered the TTC three times this week. Go me!

Posters you want to eat. I saw a UK TikTok with Guinness gravy a few days ago – want! As for ice cream cake, I may have to break my diet and try – which one?
A cool break after shopping at the Portuguese store. Field Trip wins again – a macchiato and a cheddar and chive scone. Bring back the Zaatar but save me from my love of a good scone
The Paradise theatre on Bloor Street. All the offbeat content you want. This ties into my Kensington Market tour, since I associate these rep cinemas with hippy days in Toronto. That vibe prevails. Longer story here for another time
My pharmacy has that old-fashioned Englishy feel but I miss that unique smell of Boots Chemists (antiseptic and ointments?)
Ethiopian convenience store near the station. All the gold-plated stuff you desire….(listening, Mr President?)
Sunk! Someone put temptation a few hundred metres away from me, right opposite the station. Hide my eyes
Just in front of the subway station entrance. Noticed it for the first time (new vision?)
The subway handicap entrance and I are old friends now
Silently ranting about the TTC bus’s lack of space for strollers and such. No one can pass

Finally, I did a baked beans test this week. John had brought a UK tin with him, and we never did do the comparison. Time to do it. Thoughts – the Canadian beans had a slightly deeper spiced flavour and weren’t as saucy. They might have been a tiny bit sweeter, although the label puts them as equal for sugar content. For me, the UK version wins, but ask me again tomorrow. It was a narrow margin. Need to get the US version to see how it fares.

Heinz beans comparison and taste test. UK on the left, Canada on the right

I did take photos of  the old man’s garden but won’t include them. For two days now, a helper has been watering and weeding. Those vines are climbing even higher. If I had wings or better legs or whatever, I’d scale that fence at night and become a veggie burglar.

Not ready…YET.

20-20

Monday, 15 June, 2026

On the subject of 20-20, I looked back at my first post of that year. I remember typing it. Lockdown hadn’t been announced yet, but there were quiet rumours of an epidemic that could become a pandemic. That didn’t sound possible at the time. Nevertheless, I had high hopes for the year. It was 20-20, perfect vision, after all. What could go wrong?

The concept of ‘home’ came to me again today. I am following a couple on social media. They are from the USA and left to find a different life last year – they’ve been in Mexico some years back, and recently the UK, Spain, Crete, and Holland. They want to live in the UK, but that’s not easy. They do have a  three-year digital nomad visa to live in Spain so, after some stays in these other countries, they are in Valencia for their three years, still hoping for an entry way to the UK. Inevitably, they get a lot of comments – some hateful – from mostly US and UK followers asking what they can possibly see in the UK, how they are traitors who will regret their decision, and so on. People don’t get it. Somehow they think they should. Oh, I’ve been there. I am there.

So let’s talk about me. Because I’m trying. Really. What makes us love a place? Honestly, who knows? We can trot out all the reasons we love a place, or a person, but there will always be things we don’t love about them. After living in London, Toronto, Southern California (LA area), and San Francisco, and travelling a bit in Europe, I can say that there are things I love and don’t love about everywhere I’ve been. However, there are constants, the things that a place must have for me to love – or like – them at all. In my introspective way, I follow a handful of people from Canada and the US who have relocated to London, and an equal number of people who have moved from the UK to Toronto. Fascinating. The North Americans in London interest me with their mixed reports of falling in love versus pure confusion-frustration over the UK way of doing things. They report missing things from home, often junk food items that make me go ewww. But I get it. Now, the Brits living in Toronto are another breed. They’re starstruck. The skyscrapers, the summer (and winter) sunshine, the ‘nice factor.’ They love their sparkling condos, their mod cons.  They’re young and stride around the city- they’re used to walking places – checking out all the boogie coffee shops and eateries. Toronto is next-level luxury to them. What I came to appreciate was that the things that impressed them were not the things I wanted. I get it. But it’s fun to watch them brim with joy in a Dollarama, gape at the produce in Farm Boy (and yes at the prices too). I keep hoping their enthusiasm will rub off, and try to see this place through (their) new eyes. I have a cousin whose middle name is Bitter. Yes, that one. She smirks at me and then gathers her bitterness, telling me that I wouldn’t love East London if I’d lived there as long as she had, if I’d endured the hard life she had no choice to live. Once when I was staying in Liverpool, my dad visited on business. He screwed up his nose and asked me how I could love being there when it was so poor, so dirty. I told him, honestly, that the things he saw as ugly were the things I loved. I couldn’t help it.

Am I wearing rose-coloured glasses? Am I romanticising? Does it matter? Is my cousin right? Honestly, I understand her history is longer, but no matter how you paint it, I honestly did and still love my childhood home even as I know I had my eyes open about how ‘poor’ it was. (We were never truly poor, but you may know what I mean.)  Is the grass greener? There’s that, but it’s also different, and different can be a lot of fun.

Since I last wrote anything, there’s been a gap because last Tuesday I had my first cataract surgery and, since it makes some people squeamish but I want to document it, it follows on the next page.

Meanwhile, some photos to document what else I’ve been filling my time with.

At the corner of Dupont and Ossington are some large local Ontario stone boulders where people can sit. I looked but can’t find any explanation
Ever entertained by watching kitchen prep going on at the side of the house. It was a gorgeous day
After a failed attempt last year, when I bought the wrong size, put my Ikea duvet cover on the bed. It feels good.
Inside the Filosophy coffee shop, there’s a chalkboard which is fun to read
Iced matcha and a cheese and chive scone from Filosophy. So far Road Trip is the scone champion. Patio season!
Made a new doll to beat my ennui. Even managed to complete it with my recovering eye
Toronto is hosting six FIFA World Cup games. People are excited and it’s far more popular than my ‘roommate’ supposed it would be. Yesterday we passed the Fan Fest area.. This is all I could capture. ‘The World in a City’

Friday photo:

At the back, the Old Man’s helper is hard at work. Since this photo, there’s a new addition. Some poles have been erected near the fence. Things are growing

Continue reading “20-20”

Not much yet so much

Sunday, 10 May, 2026

(Admin: Live! is updated here)

I have so many photos and so little to say, really. Yet I always manage to say a lot. A friend told me I might say too much – well, that’s a bit of misquote, but it refers to my entire family’s predilection for stream of consciousness speaking and, in my case, writing. Ho hum.  Should I apologise? Not really, but I will say that, for my cancer journey, especially, I am writing as much for myself and my recovery and survivorship as to entertain or educate. It’s just one reason I kept it separate. I am very conscious of my habit of speaking aloud what I’m doing or thinking. I don’t suppose I will change, but I do my best not to overdo it, and I acknowledge this every day. For those who read me, or listen to me, sorry not sorry applies. This is who I am.

Shopping for tulips. Proof (to me, at least) that I do get out
No, I didn’t hop. Want to, though

We have a friend. He was Krish’s closest friend in high school and we still see him a few times a year. He’s a quiet soul but with definite opinions. He’s also gay. This has been a curiosity for Krish, who asks, was he always? Yes, I say. Hmm. I love that his partner is his opposite. Not loud, but vocal, doesn’t care much what you think of him or his lifestyle. It’s an interesting dynamic.  Yesterday we went to his birthday dinner at his chosen restaurant. Krish and I don’t like the food, but I said it was about the birthday boy, not us. WheelTrans picked us up an hour late, and we raced (can I even do that?) in, then needed to leave before the cake had appeared. Damn. The only straight people there, this time we found someone to chat to. Interesting guy. Maybe we can meet again.

Working at Field Trip
My feta, zaatar and spinach scone with a macchiato at Field Trip. For those carb-shunners who read my blog, it’s worth the walk. One of my favourite spots for coffee in the neighbourhood

I lived in San Francisco in 1969, and my best friends were a bunch of gay men who lived next to us. We shared a back porch, and we crossed it at will. Chats, communal dinners, even sleepovers were common.  It was a good city to be gay. Toronto in the early 70s was that place too. There was no overtly gay village, but it did exist more loosely in its current location. My husband’s boss owned a gay nightclub in the area, and we often went to support them. We even helped with the food table they’d put out as part of admission. They infamously used dog food for pate – I’m serious. I’d dish it out.  In those days, I loved the cabaret. Now I can’t be bothered with it. We made many friends, some infamous, some famous, and we lost them. My family reads my blog, so I’ll be discreet and say we also lost a family member whose gender would now be considered pansexual. Did we know that? I know I did, but then my life experience helped. Other people in my life helped me get there. I’ll leave their stories out for now. Anyway, no time for photos of Toronto’s gay village this time, but I’ll be back there in early June to catch up.

Yes, please
So excited to see things starting to bloom. Soon it will be overgrown like winter never happened
Genius at work in the bus shelter

There’s news. The Old Man is alive! We both saw him, or what we thought and hoped was him, walking to the bus stop with a cane. No WheelTrans for him! We kept looking out the back window, and still the garden remained untouched. I told Krish that Torontonians often don’t plant until what’s called the May Two-Four weekend (so called because it’s the date around which the holiday falls and the Canadian slang for a case of twenty-four beers (a “two-four”) the most popular drink for the weekend, and to take to cottage country (more about that in a minute). Before that, frost is a deterrent. People plant seedlings to take out once the danger has passed, or they buy small pots of vegetables and herbs to start their own gardens (again). But they’re usually preparing their gardens before that – tilling, filling in the soil, planning out their patches. We had seen nothing. This week, that changed. Someone was out there turning the soil and then sowing seeds. Certainly not the Old Man judging by their energy, but perhaps a child or a friend. We hope he’ll be out there himself when the work isn’t so heavy and we look forward to following our own personal next-door drama.

Sowing seeds next door. Not the Old Man

Meanwhile, they are hard at work getting the restaurant patio ready for the summer season, which will begin in June. Yesterday, on our way in from the birthday dinner, I could see right into the restaurant. I normally pass it in the day and it’s not really visible. I was surprised at how modern and sophisticated it looks in there. The back garden patio is another story. It’s what Krish calls Muskoka style. For the uninitiated, Muskoka is north of Toronto in an area people here call cottage country, where people have summer cottages near the lakes and park forests. In the restaurant’s backyard, there are plants, wood chips, wood stoves, fire logs, and the like. If you’ve been to cottage country, it’s logical. There are no lakes, but there will certainly be mosquitoes.

Pots and wood ready for the summer

The chef-owner, Justin, is from Actinolite, hence the name of his restaurant. Actinolite is not Muskoka County. It’s considerably south of there. Actinolite can sound romantic if you only know the restaurant, but it’s named after the form of asbestos that was mined in the area. Ouch.

The staff, mostly Justin, is getting the side and back of the restaurant ready for summer. There are planters and the herb gardens that border the seating area are growing. The most favoured herb is lovage. It began sprouting about a week ago and has grown so quickly that it shocked me. We’re invited to pick any herb we want, and we used a lot of lovage during our last stay here. It tastes like celery leaves but without the bitterness.

Midway preparations for the back patio
Lovage on 4 May
Lovage on 10 May. This much growth in less than a week!
Justin filling the planters at the side. It was like a meditation
Industry downstairs. A steady pounding of something on the left, like cracking open nuts. On the right, a good fire and earnest conversation

Today is Mothers Day here, and I’ll meet my son, Robin, at the Waterworks, which is a food hall in his general area, in Toronto’s Fashion District where once all the tailors could be found. I’ll add photos. Our meeting is not about Mothers Day, but just because. When I told my autistic son I wasn’t sure where to meet because everywhere would be busy today, his response was ‘Why will it be busy?’ I’m used to it.

(Later) My visit with my son was great. We went to Waterworks, a lovely building, which I thought I’d documented before and need to look at more closely again before saying more. My lunch was dreadful, but who cares? (What I do care about is not having taken a photo of us together.) The day exhausted me – I did a lot more than I thought I could. That’s a good thing. So is mother and son time.

Waterworks Food Hall, Brant Street, Toronto. We once rented a condo that overlooked this building before it was refurbished. Loved that condo!
How the food hall looks when you first enter. It’s airy and not overcrowded. A nice change from mall food halls
Looking towards Spadina Avenue from Waterworks. This is the Fashion District of Toronto

Friday Photos:

The front – 8 May. April and May have been very rainy. Just a little more sun and everything will bloom
The oak tree – 8 May – Finally leaves
The side – 8 May, Not yet transformed
The back – 8 May. Not the Old Man

Endings

Thursday, 2 April, 2026

Some decades ago, I made a decision that changed my life. I don’t know who I would have been if it hadn’t happened. After a fairly average pregnancy, I felt a pull to support people through their own experience. I shouldn’t have been too surprised. I was agoraphobic from a young age and, once on the road to recovery, stepped into the directorship of an organisation that helped others cope with their phobias.

To make a long story short, I found somewhere that trained prenatal teachers who had no university or nursing background, and I applied. They told me they accepted 1 in 10, so I was thrilled to be one of them. The training was long and serious. I had a very young baby, but I knew I was where I needed to be. It’s a vocation. It has to be because no one ever got rich from it. During my 100 classroom hours, I learned something (enough?) about a staggering number of things. Anatomy, anaesthesiology, pharmacology, embryology, massage and other complementary therapies, pain theory, pain management, exercise, nutrition, parenting, newborn care, high-risk pregnancies, and much more. I attended births as an observer and as a labour supporter. I swaddled babies, held hands, talked to children who were expecting siblings, and led tours for teenagers where I had a chance to shape their understanding of pregnancy and parenting. I attended and ran conferences. I met some incredible women – my fascinating and strong fellow teachers, and the amazing experts in my field. Many are dead now, but they live in my head, my heart and my resolve.

I loved to write, and so I was accepted as a contributor to the national pregnancy and parenting magazine and gained fans. It felt good and important.

I taught for years, then was asked if I’d consider joining the hospital I was working for as admin support. My main job was to bring their registration system into the present by working with the IT department. I would also be writing their patient/client literature. Life was sweet. Out and about, I’d be stopped by young families – “You were our teacher. This is our child.” I glowed. I stopped teaching and began instead helping to train new teachers, and in the age of the internet, I counselled people on an online parenting site, and I began writing articles for the hospital outreach – branching out to all women’s health issues. Through my work online, I was offered a co-author (localisation) of a Dummies book. I’m not sure I recommend it – the American side of it is “off” – but it’s here. NB Writing a book is many, many, many hours of writing and rewriting, and in the end, might pay a few pennies an hour. Lesson learned.

Tools of the childbirth education trade/ We get used to it. Fabic placentas and breasts and knitted uteri are normal. Even now, I’m thinking about teaching how that big baby head passes through the pelvis. Clients were always surprised to see how it actually happens

I left in 2002. I had had a cancer diagnosis, and I wanted to get back to London. I tried to teach there, but it wasn’t the easy path I’d found in Toronto. It was also going to be costly. I felt sad, but my vocation was over. But it wasn’t really. My heart is still there, even now. My interest is still high, and I still challenge how things work for women. It’s such a feminist issue. I’m here for it.

Endings? Oh, yes. On Monday i went to Sunnybrook Hospital to meet my friend, Leslie. My department had moved there from a women and family-centred hospital downtown (Women’s College Hospital)  to a much more corporate hospital with a patriarchal system (Sunnybrook Health Centre). About a month ago, the hospital informed them that they were closing the service. I could say a lot about this, but I’m not sure it’d help my stressed brain to do so. Closing. After I don’t know how many years, to be honest, maybe fifty. There’s a lot of opposition, frankly, it’s about profit and nothing else. The women’s and families’ needs come second. It’s brought up a lot of memories for me. So many good ones, including those I’ve talked about here. I feel like I’ve lucked into many golden ages of many things in my life. Perhaps that’s just ego, each generation believing they lived the best. I don’t know.

Sunnybrook Hospital is looking like a mall these days

I didn’t ever get a chance to see their new premises. It came and went without me, as so many things have and will. I looked at Leslie’s windowless room, thinking about the luxury of windows and space we’d had at Women’s College Hospital and how informal and friendly everything had been. No matter how busy or how large a task I took on, it never felt like work. How lucky I’ve been. I photographed the collection of teaching tools and the wonderful cubby hole cabinet we’d used that once had the teachers’ names at the slots. It was beautifully custom-made by a teacher’s husband.  Where would it be next?  There was anger, sadness and despair in the air, so we made our own happy memories and thoughts in this new, now vanishing, space. With such interesting and independent-minded women on board, we could recount many ridiculously funny stories.

The CFLP cubby. What will happen to it?

Everything ends.

We have decided to stay in this flat for a full year at least. Have we resigned ourselves to being here and leaving London behind? Hell, no. We are both far too conscious of what we left behind. We know that things aren’t always rosy there, and there are many changes – many that make us very sad – but what we’ve lost wasn’t ever about those things. Will leave this here.

The rest of the photos tell the story of what I’ve done, where I’ve been. Hint – not much and not far! Ha.

The second bedroom is full of boxes, empty or not unpacked. It’s a mess but it will slowly empty … right?
This is an old Italian neighbourhood for the most part – it’ll fill it with vegetables soon, and I’ll be longing to pick some. Used to love foraging and scrumping as a child
The Crazy Store. Still haven’t made it in there. I really have to go up with my camera one day, and hope they don’t mind me taking photos
Daffodils. Memories of a London spring. Bunches and bunches of the damn things in our flat every day till they stopped selling them. I can’t imagine this now. Sigh
Waiting for the Artemis launch on 1st April.
Almost tempted but $10 for an individual one. Not sure. Need to learn to make my own. The fish pie had no smoked fish in it so easier to pass by.
Maple Season. I’ve always wanted to go see them tap and boil the sap. Never happened
Buds! Finally. It will be May before things are in full leaf and bloom.
Restaurant kitchen work Just love these guys and chatting to them. They are so kind and friendly. The restaurant is open Wednesday through Saturday. We aren’t bothered by the low volume music, can’t hear any talking, and we won’t see the diners until things move outside – June? 

Friday Photos

March 27. The front
March 27. The oak tree
March 27. Side. All the snow is gone

 

March 27 Backyard. We haven’t seen the Old Man yet. Oh dear

 

 

Breast Cancer Journey – Bye Port

Friday, 20 March, 2026

It was my turn to get my port removed.

According to Google, a Port (cath-a-port) is an implantable venous access device. It’s a small medical appliance, consisting of a reservoir (port) and a thin tube (catheter), that is placed under the skin—usually in the right side of the chest—to provide easy access to a large vein. From the outside, it’s similar to a pacemaker – a bump under the skin on the chest,

Mine has sat there for about a year now. It wasn’t always cooperative, but considering the problems I had with bloodwork and administering the various medications and the damage chemotherapy can do to our veins, I was grateful to have it.

Chemo and immunotherapy over, I had some blood tests done to prove I was healthy enough, and off I went to get my little friend removed.

I arrived, as asked, at 8:30am for my 9am appointment. I spent that extra half hour sitting and trying not to think ahead. They’d asked me to have someone take me home, which meant sedation would be involved. I’ll be honest and admit that my fearful imagination had me lying with blood spurting everywhere when they removed it. The surgeon had told me, at the insertion procedure, that he’d had “challenges” getting it done. What if they had the same challenges removing it? I have the best imagination *(or is that worst?).

The waiting room

I was called in pretty much right at 9. I got my “clothes above the waist” into a bag, and I waited until about 9:30 for a doctor to show up.

Ready to put my gown on

When he arrived, he read my blood test results out loud and explained that he would be removing the port now. I waited for my sedation, but it didn’t happen, nor was it mentioned. I was torn between being relieved they wouldn’t be accessing and possibly botching up my veins, and nervous that I’d be, well, nervous. No time to dwell on it.

The doctor warned me that “this was the painful part,” injecting me around the site – just above my breast on the right. It really didn’t hurt that much. After all the slicing and dicing, prodding and pioking cancer brings, it was just another thing really. The doctor had also told me that he’d be taking the port out and that, since it had been in there a year, it might not want to leave that easily. I did feel a bunch of pushing and pulling that went on for about five minutes. Then the doctor asked, do you want to say bye to your port? I said yes. And he held it up for me to see. Wow. It was smaller than I’d imagined. And plonk it went into a dish. “Now the longest part, the stitches.” I imagined it in my mind as it was going on. Would it be neat stitches or a just-so job like with my lumpectomy? I wouldn’t know until all the dressings and steri-strips were gone, a couple of weeks away.  I let the doctor know that I was allergic to adhesives, and he told me that it was just a clear plastic to protect the wound and shouldn’t be a problem.

When he left, I felt a bit dizzy and weird and asked if Krish could come in, but they said, not yet. The nurse put this down to anxiety and brought me some juice. That helped. A few minutes later, they brought Krish in, and he helped me get dressed.

It was well and truly done.

From my stretcher
All done and happy
We shared a maple walnut muffin and hot chocolate afterwards

At home, I had a long nap after a bowl of soup. I was tired and a bit sore. Tylenol helped. I was well enough to make dinner later, then was glad for my bed just a bit earlier than usual.

Today is Saturday. I’m aware that the adhesive is a bit of a problem after all. My skin is itchy and inflamed around the edges. This is how it starts, so later we’ll change the bandage to something that’s easier on me,

I’m not really looking forward to my next blood test or IV but I’m not sorry that this chapter is now closed. I’ll put some photos below but give some warning space for anything triggering.

Index of all my Breast Cancer Journey Posts

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

At my bedside

“Want to say bye to your port?”
The itchy redness starting around the adhesive patch