Tuesday, 16 January, 2018
Yesterday I had a plan – in my free time I wanted to go to Hoxton and along Great Eastern Street to check out any new street art. I also thought about having lunch and making the most of the three of four spare hours. But when I got out, the plan collapsed.
From the age of seven, I’ve had agoraphobia. I was twenty-seven before I had a name for it but it was instantly clear that’s what it was when I read a newspaper lifestyle article about it. This was me! It’s too long a story but the short version is that I pushed and pushed to get someone to agree to my self diagnosis, and then I found the doctor who knew how to assess and treat it. It was hard work but I now consider myself recovered. Recovered like an alcoholic is recovered, only one step away from relapsing!
I cope day to day and am generally proud of myself. Then every now and again I have one of those days. Like yesterday.
Standing at the bus stop to go to Hoxton, I faltered. Butterflies in my stomach (which I know now are ectopic heartbeats) lightheaded, shakiness, feeling of fear and doom. I wanted to turn back for home but, after a good talking to myself, I decided to jump on the bus anyway and see what happened.
I made a compromise with myself. I’d go to the Cambridge Heath station stop and walk along Hackney Road. Having a plan (and a parachute in the form of my bus pass, mobile phone, and friendly camera) off I went and off I got at the promised spot. Once out of the bus I knew what I wanted to do – walk down one side of the road as far as Hackney City Farm and then up the other.
It was a deal! And here follow the photos.
And home! (Feeling good about what I did. It’s best to celebrate what you can and did do than mourn what you couldn’t.) Saved the day.
I like the pawnbroker sign but I hope someone checks the integrity of the chains regularly. Ouch.
“The Queen Elizabeth Hospital for Children in London was formed from the 1942 merger of the Queen’s Hospital for Children in Bethnal Green and the Princess Elizabeth of York Hospital for Children, Shadwell. The Shadwell site was closed in 1963. . . In 1998 the services carried out by the hospital were moved to within The Royal London Hospital. . . ” The building was derelict by 2000.
“As of 2014 the Bethnal Green site is being redeveloped by Rydon Homes and Family Mosaic Housing Association. A time capsule from the opening ceremony in May 1902 was discovered in December 2014, containing newspapers, a catalogue of donors, a hymn sheet and a ribbon from the ceremony”
I think the Queen Elizabeth (and Princess Elizabeth) in the names both refer to the late Queen Mother.
Well done on your walk, but your “Recovered like an alcoholic is recovered, only one step away from relapsing!” is perhaps not the best comparison. Public transportation (and walking obviously) offer the chance of stopping and breathing/returning every few minutes, leaving you more in control, which I always find to be a reassuring thought. I find no differences between the Tube and buses, but I know many shy away from the Tube. I don’t know if that has an agoraphobic or claustrophobic cause.