Wedding – slightly weird

24th June 201924th July 2019

Sharon and Mohan’s wedding – Kangan night

Sunday, 23 June, 2019

Kangan is also considered the ‘farewell’ but is traditionally the day the couple removes the amulet tied around their wrists. The amulet is used to protect the bride and groom so that they can enter married life ‘void of any evils.’ The religious part of the whole thing is over and now it’s time to celebrate before beginning normal, married life. From what I’ve read this is often done separately by the bride and groom’s families but in Moh and Sharon’s case, the two families came together for a back yard party at Moh’s.

Since Moh and Krish’s time as children at the house, the back yard has changed quite a bit. From the kitchen, there’s a generous porch-landing with stairs leading down. And from the basement, you can step straight out to the yard itself. There are paving stones where there once was grass and a vegetable garden. And there’s a bar, a firepit, and lots of seating. A grand place for a party!

The patio from the kitchen — **The patio leading from the kitchen**

Guests arrived steadily through the night. I helped with food preparation and serving in the kitchen. By now the family members were no longer strangers to me, although some still suspicious. Moh went to China Cottage to pick up appetiser dishes to begin the evening, and this was followed by the usual array of meat and vegetable curries and a table of desserts.

**Activity in the basement kitchen and food table**

Tulsi’s best friend and his wife are going to Barcelona in October and their visit overlaps mine by a few days so we made plans to meet. That should be fun!

People came and went. Some people arrived long after most had left. It was mostly the smaller family unit – the brothers, the nieces – Ariya and Annabelle, Naomi and Rana, and Tulsi and Karne sitting together, chatting and relaxing. We lit the firepit and dodged mosquitoes. Krish had bought Annabelle some gifts throughout the months and this was probably the time that reticent little girl tore down her barriers and bonded with her ‘chacha’ (uncle). We thought it might never happen. I’ll confess that the gifts Krish had bought for her weren’t my taste. I’d wondered what Annabelle would think of them – but I’d reckoned without him having a clue about his family’s personality. Every gift was a hit, every single one.

**Sitting around the firepit late at night – Gop, Ariya, and Sharon**

It was getting late and the remaining guests had eaten and drunk their fill. Everyone was invited to stay overnight and so we fell asleep with a house full.

Sharon and Mohan’s wedding – all the blogs

22nd June 201926th July 2019

Sharon and Mohan’s wedding – The reception

Saturday, 22nd June, 2019

We slept in a little late. The house was quiet. When everyone was up, we kept it simple after such a big day. But Sunday was another big day so we found things to do to make the next morning easier, and the day slid by.

Naomi and Rana had a date with one of Rana’s Toronto family so we let them know we would make our own way to Ajax, where a bus was booked to take us all to the reception.

But first there was some drama. When I went to get the black pants Moh was lending Krish, the door to that room was locked. There followed a frenzied conversation with Moh, who blamed himself, through me from Krish, who also blamed himself. It mostly went something like this abbreviated version:

Moh: Break the door down
Krish: I can’t do that
Moh: BREAK IT!

In the end, we broke it.

Dress, shirt, and pants ironed. Uber ordered, ready to leave.

On the way out, Krish discovered he didn’t have the front door key. More panic! Then Krish remembered he had put the key in his jeans, which he was resorting to when we thought the black pants were out of reach. The Uber arrived and off we went with a talkative Sri Lankan man. He’d lived all over the world, even cooked in Paris, but was now living in the eastern suburbs of Toronto, finding it ‘the best place in the world.’

We were the first to arrive for the bus. Then everyone arrived and piled in and off we went. Another drama! The bus driver, having cruised along with no problem started to make some weird turns. He turned North instead of South, then west instead of East and I had no idea what he was up to. The cry took hold. ‘Do you know where you’re going, young man?’ asked Tulsi patiently but firmly. No response. Eventually though, he did tell us that there were problems ahead. Yet still we seemed to be meandering until we all had to collaborate on a map and direct the driver. We should have known things weren’t that smooth when we read the signs in the van.

In contrast to the other days, today it was all formal Western wear. Everyone was dressed in evening gowns and formal suit and tie. At the front foyer there was an open bar – people flocked to it.

Me in my tuxedo dress, Krish with Sharon's brothers, Ken and Sean — **Me in my tuxedo dress, Krish with Sharon’s brothers, Ken and Sean**

Everyone in their formal wear - there were 400 of us — **Everyone in their formal wear in the foyer- there were 400 of us**

When they opened the doors, it looked like a fairyland, all silvery and glittery. Very pretty!

I seem to have not taken so many pictures so I might pad this out a little when I see Naomi’s. In the centre of the hall amidst the tables was an island filled with an appetiser selection. The food was now far from Italian – it was Mediterranean, mostly Italian. There were meats, cheeses, marinated vegetables, salads, different sorts of bruschetta. I filled a plate and could have eaten this all evening.

We were sitting at Table 7 with some of Krish’s cousins, including Naomi and Sean. Also Gop, Ariya, and Annabelle, as well as cousin Sham. I hadn’t seen him for about twenty years. He looked very prosperous and sombre. We tried to joke with him about the shenanigans from the old days, but he had no more than a slight, indulgent smile on his face. The other cousins teased him mercilessly about his choice of the name Sean, which he insisted was his name. I’d heard this story before but kept quiet. Sean was his middle name, his first being Sham – the name of his estranged father. While others tiptoed around the subject, the cousins jovially reminded him ‘You’ll always be Sham!’

Then dinner. First a huge portion of both tomatoey pasta and risotto (I took just the risotto), and then the main course – salmon and chicken. This was followed by a trio of desserts. Despite having been very hungry when I arrived, I left a lot on all of my plates.

Continue reading “Sharon and Mohan’s wedding – The reception”

21st June 201911th August 2019

Sharon and Mohan’s wedding – The wedding day

Friday, 21st June 2019

Finally the wedding day arrived. It felt a bit unreal. Krish and Rana were supposed to arrive early at the temple to help Moh so we all got dressed and set off. Only we went to the wrong temple – Krish had directed us to the Vishnu Mandir, where his family attended, but the wedding was taking place closer to home in Markham. We had to backtrack and, when we arrived in the parking lot of the Vedic Cultural Centre, Moh called us over to the car he was sitting in. We were late! It was fine, though – plenty of time before everything started.

Rana and Krish - all decked out! — **Rana and Krish in the parking lot – best buddies all decked out!**

My wedding outfit choice gave me a ton of headaches before it actually happened. It was the only day of the week that Indian attire was requested and, although I considered ignoring this, I also felt it was a good idea to do my best and at least find clothes that would ‘work.’ I searched and searched and it wasn’t as easy as I thought…always something that stopped me from buying. Finally I decided that I’d have to have something made and the best choice was a top and a skirt and shawl. Choli, lehenga, and dupatta! I wanted bright colours – lime green and fuschia came to mind. What I finally settled on was a long readymade skirt that was on sale in one fabric store – a dusty pink with gold brocade, a top that I had made – fuschia with gold and pink trim since I wouldn’t be wearing a necklace, and a pretty light pink and gold net shawl to pull the two together. I’d also bought some pale pink with rhinestone sandals in London. Ruth lent me a gold clutch bag and earrings and then Naomi offered me some with more bling so I went to it. I felt ridiculous when I saw it on the hangers ready to go but on the day it pulled together amazingly well.

There was the usual astounding amount of bling among the wedding guests. Meet and greet in the foyer! Downstairs there were snacks- the wedding would be long – samosas and something I forget now, or maybe the ‘something’ wasn’t there any more.

Quite honestly, I’m not sure of the order of events – the order for me, anyway. The wedding program spells it out but somehow it’s blurred for me – a good lesson in blogging promptly! Krish had disappeared and I was on my own. We’d seen from the program he had a big part to play in the ceremony, backstage and on. I’d not really counted on losing sight of him completely. Strange feeling to be in an unknown environment with so many people and not have a clue what to do next. When in doubt, just copy everyone else! So I parked my shoes in a locker and waited.

Everyone rushed outside and the sound of the tassa drums started up. I couldn’t see too well from where I was but there was a procession with Moh, Krish, Gopaul, Rana, and Tulsi in the centre of it and then after that they were gone again. Now it all gets blurry but at some point we went into the temple. Someone grabbed me and sent me to a seat but I couldn’t see much from there. What I could see was a very brightly decorated stage.

Down the aisle came Sharon dressed in a beautiful bright yellow gown. Her close and extended family came with her, dancing as they went. I need to get a better photo of the gown from someone – it was stunning. Up on the stage she went, with Krish and Gopaul at the side. There was a long puja with music and chanting. I had a terrible view, blocked by a large column and I slowly made my way to the side, around the back of the seats and down to a seat on the other side about three rows back. Much better. Then Sharon was gone.

As far as I remember, at this point I saw Moh’s family start to file out of the temple so I edged my way over to join them – my big chance! We waited out in the foyer until Moh appeared, with more drumming and then it was Moh’s turn to come down the aisle. I’m not that much of an extrovert to be in the spotlight and dancing but I had a feeling that this procession was one I was meant to part of. I was right! Back in the front of the temple I got my seat with the closer family, who were saying ‘Where were you? We wondered where you were.’ That was a nice feeling but curious at the same time. I’m yet to feel completely included and I suppose that’s normal when this family is so huge, and so culturally different

Now Moh went up on stage with Krish, Gopaul, Rana, Tulsi and Karna attending him. The puja began. The pundit was especially pleased to tell the congregation that the brothers were special and auspicious, having three names of Vishnu.

Continue reading “Sharon and Mohan’s wedding – The wedding day”

20th June 201924th July 2019

Sharon and Mohan’s wedding – Maticoor Night

Thursday, 20 June, 2019

Maticoor is a new word for me. Everything I’ve read refers to women – “Maticoor night is for ladies to get away.” It talks about drumming and dancing and letting your hair down, as well as the elaborate ceremony. However, it seems that the bride and the groom can each have their own Maticoor night and tonight was the night for Moh’s family to gather in his family home to perform the puja, while over at Sharon’s the same was happening with her family.

From the Sanskrit ‘Matti’ means earth and ‘kor’ means digging. I’ll copy the whole explanation at the end of the post so read it, if you want.

In the morning, the tablecloth steaming continued, followed by me assembling wedding programs as I watched several episodes of Bewitched!

When we arrived at the Maticoor, there were drummers at the entrance of the home. They played loudly and for a long time. This is called tassa drumming and it started again after the puja and again at the wedding, then once again at the reception where the bride’s drummers and groom’s drummers joined together. I dodged them a bit – drumming and tinnitus don’t mix too well – but I loved the energy of it.

There was the usual large gathering of Krish’s family inside the house. The puja would take place in a tent in the back garden. It was pouring with rain!

The pundit ties the raksha sutra around Moh's wrist — **The pundit ties the raksha sutra around Moh’s wrist**

Women and girls feature heavily in the ceremony. Moh sat with his mother and an aunt also stood by to help. The pundit also had a woman helping him with the various items that were brought and taken away. The prayers and chanting were quite melodic, each verse ending in Swaha which means ‘Well said’ so similar to amen. So many things were coming and going, Moh or Karna handling them and seeming to be well instructed in what to do. I’m sure I’d forget! At some point some young girls (four, although they asked for five) came onto the stage area but I can’t quite remember what they did. As well, most of us sitting watching were also female, with just a few men here and there. This all remains a bit mysterious so I need to find out more! My take on it is that Moh was being blessed and purified for his wedding.

Krish and Moh's mother sits with Moh inside the tent for the puja — **Krish and Moh’s mother sits with Moh inside the tent for the puja**

Continue reading “Sharon and Mohan’s wedding – Maticoor Night”

19th June 201924th July 2019

Sharon and Mohan’s wedding – Mendhi Night

Wednesday, 19 June 2019

A Hindu wedding isn’t just a one-day affair. In fact, Moh and Sharon’s wedding went on for five. Now, not the actual wedding but the events surrounding the wedding and each with its own significance. I’d been to Avi’s wedding back in February and that was an Indian Muslim wedding so I wasn’t sure how much similarity there would be. The answer is – a bit. They use a lot of the same words, anyway, but they do them a bit differently.

The M&S Wedding was spread over the five days as: Mendhi night, Maticoor night, the wedding, the reception, and the Kangan. So each blog post will be about one of these and then I’ll link one to the other.

We went to Moh’s house on Tuesday, the 18th June. Moh lives in the home that he grew up in, since he bought the house when his parents moved further out of Toronto. So the house is familiar. He’s done a bunch of work to smarten it up and it shows. Moh put us both to work immediately, Krish applying film to the basement windows and me steaming some huge table cloths for the reception. And he said ‘Naomi’ was on her way. Naomi is Krish’s cousin and very close to Moh. I liked her right away. She turned up with her husband, Rana, and Krish’s dad. A full house already and we were planted in Krish’s old bedroom. That’s a strange feeling, since I knew it from before. It’s a lot tidier now!

Everything was nice. We had some food, we chatted, and it felt like we’d all known each other for years and years. I love when that happens!

The next day more work but that evening Naomi and I got dressed for the Mendhi night at Sharon’s family home. I’d arrived in Toronto with five outfits for the five wedding days. My wardrobe has never looked so fancy.

My outfits scattered around Moh's spare closet in our room — **My outfits scattered around Moh’s spare closet in our room**

**I chose my green lace Lindy Bop dress and the green sparkly bag Jenn bought for me**

A fancy version of me! — **A rare and fancy version of me!**

Sharon’s family lives in Woodbridge, which is just north west of Toronto. When we arrived, there were giant ceramic elephants in the driveway and family members were sitting in deckchairs on the drive and in the open garage. Someone told me to go to the tent in the back garden to get my mendhi done but when I arrived, there was quite a queue, so instead I went to get food from the large containers on tables in the garage. Continue reading “Sharon and Mohan’s wedding – Mendhi Night”

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