Sharon and Mohan’s wedding – The wedding day

Friday, 21st June 2019

Finally the wedding day arrived.  It felt a bit unreal. Krish and Rana were supposed to arrive early at the temple to help Moh so we all got dressed and set off. Only we went to the wrong temple – Krish had directed us to the Vishnu Mandir, where his family attended, but the wedding was taking place closer to home in Markham. We had to backtrack and, when we arrived in the parking lot of the Vedic Cultural Centre, Moh called us over to the car he was sitting in. We were late! It was fine, though – plenty of time before everything started.

Rana and Krish - all decked out!
Rana and Krish in the parking lot – best buddies all decked out!

My wedding outfit choice gave me a ton of headaches before it actually happened. It was the only day of the week that Indian attire was requested and, although I considered ignoring this, I also felt it was a good idea to do my best and at least find clothes that would ‘work.’ I searched and searched and it wasn’t as easy as I thought…always something that stopped me from buying. Finally I decided that I’d have to have something made and the best choice was a top and a skirt and shawl. Choli, lehenga, and dupatta! I wanted bright colours – lime green and fuschia came to mind. What I finally settled on was a long readymade skirt that was on sale in one fabric store – a dusty pink with gold brocade, a top that I had made – fuschia with gold and pink trim since I wouldn’t be wearing a necklace, and a pretty light pink and gold net shawl to pull the two together. I’d also bought some pale pink with rhinestone sandals in London. Ruth lent me a gold clutch bag and earrings and then Naomi offered me some with more bling so I went to it. I felt ridiculous when I saw it on the hangers ready to go but on the day it pulled together amazingly well.

My wedding outfit
My wedding outfit

There was the usual astounding amount of bling among the wedding guests. Meet and greet in the foyer! Downstairs there were snacks- the wedding would be long – samosas and something I forget now, or maybe the ‘something’ wasn’t there any more.

Quite honestly, I’m not sure of the order of events – the order for me, anyway. The wedding program spells it out but somehow it’s blurred for me – a good lesson in blogging promptly! Krish had disappeared and I was on my own. We’d seen from the program he had a big part to play in the ceremony, backstage and on. I’d not really counted on losing sight of him completely. Strange feeling to be in an unknown environment with so many people and not have a clue what to do next. When in doubt, just copy everyone else! So I parked my shoes in a locker and waited.

Everyone rushed outside and the sound of the tassa drums started up. I couldn’t see too well from where I was but there was a procession with Moh, Krish, Gopaul, Rana, and Tulsi in the centre of it and then after that they were gone again. Now it all gets blurry but at some point we went into the temple. Someone grabbed me and sent me to a seat but I couldn’t see much from there. What I could see was a very brightly decorated stage.

Down the aisle came Sharon dressed in a beautiful bright yellow gown. Her close and extended family came with her, dancing as they went. I need to get a better photo of the gown from someone – it was stunning. Up on the stage she went, with Krish and Gopaul at the side. There was a long puja with music and chanting. I had a terrible view, blocked by a large column and I slowly made my way to the side, around the back of the seats and down to a seat on the other side about three rows back. Much better. Then Sharon was gone.

As far as I remember, at this point I saw Moh’s family start to file out of the temple so I edged my way over to join them – my big chance! We waited out in the foyer until Moh appeared, with more drumming and then it was Moh’s turn to come down the aisle. I’m not that much of an extrovert to be in the spotlight and dancing but I had a feeling that this procession was one I was meant to part of. I was right! Back in the front of the temple I got my seat with the closer family, who were saying ‘Where were you? We wondered where you were.’ That was a  nice feeling but curious at the same time. I’m yet to feel completely included and I suppose that’s normal when this family is so huge, and so culturally different

Now Moh went up on stage with Krish, Gopaul, Rana, Tulsi and Karna attending him. The puja began. The pundit was especially pleased to tell the congregation that the brothers were special and auspicious, having three names of Vishnu.

Moh, contemplative
Moh, contemplative

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Sharon and Mohan’s wedding – Maticoor Night

Thursday, 20 June, 2019

Maticoor is a new word for me. Everything I’ve read refers to women – “Maticoor night is for ladies to get away.” It talks about drumming and dancing and letting your hair down, as well as the elaborate ceremony. However, it seems that the bride and the groom can each have their own Maticoor night and tonight was the night for Moh’s family to gather in his family home to perform the puja, while over at Sharon’s the same was happening with her family.

From the Sanskrit ‘Matti’ means earth and ‘kor’ means digging. I’ll copy the whole explanation at the end of the post so read it, if you want.

In the morning, the tablecloth steaming continued, followed by me assembling wedding programs as I watched several episodes of Bewitched!

When we arrived at the Maticoor, there were drummers at the entrance of the home. They played loudly and for a long time. This is called tassa drumming and it started again after the puja and again at the wedding, then once again at the reception where the bride’s drummers and groom’s drummers joined together. I dodged them a bit – drumming and tinnitus don’t mix too well – but I loved the energy of it.

There was the usual large gathering of Krish’s family inside the house. The puja would take place in a tent in the back garden. It was pouring with rain!

The pundit ties the raksha sutra around Moh's wrist
The pundit ties the raksha sutra around Moh’s wrist
Protective thread or raksha sutra
Protective thread or raksha sutra

Women and girls feature heavily in the ceremony. Moh sat with his mother and an aunt also stood by to help. The pundit also had a woman helping him with the various items that were brought and taken away. The prayers and chanting were quite melodic, each verse ending in Swaha which means ‘Well said’ so similar to amen. So many things were coming and going, Moh or Karna handling them and seeming to be well instructed in what to do. I’m sure I’d forget! At some point some young girls (four, although they asked for five) came onto the stage area but I can’t quite remember what they did. As well, most of us sitting watching were also female, with just a few men here and there. This all remains a bit mysterious so I need to find out more! My take on it is that Moh was being blessed and purified for his wedding.

Krish and Moh's mother sits with Moh inside the tent for the puja
Krish and Moh’s mother sits with Moh inside the tent for the puja

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Sharon and Mohan’s wedding – Mendhi Night

Wednesday, 19 June 2019

A Hindu wedding isn’t just a one-day affair. In fact, Moh and Sharon’s wedding went on for five. Now, not the actual wedding but the events surrounding the wedding and each with its own significance. I’d been to Avi’s wedding back in February and that was an Indian Muslim wedding so I wasn’t sure how much similarity there would be. The answer is – a bit. They use a lot of the same words, anyway, but they do them a bit differently.

The M&S Wedding was spread over the five days as: Mendhi night, Maticoor night, the wedding, the reception, and the Kangan. So each blog post will be about one of these and then I’ll link one to the other.

We went to Moh’s house on Tuesday, the 18th June. Moh lives in the home that he grew up in, since he bought the house when his parents moved further out of Toronto. So the house is familiar. He’s done a bunch of work to smarten it up and it shows. Moh put us both to work immediately, Krish applying film to the basement windows and me steaming some huge table cloths for the reception. And he said ‘Naomi’ was on her way. Naomi is Krish’s cousin and very close to Moh. I liked her right away. She turned up with her husband, Rana, and Krish’s dad. A full house already and we were planted in Krish’s old bedroom. That’s a strange feeling, since I knew it from before. It’s a lot tidier now!

Everything was nice. We had some food, we chatted, and it felt like we’d all known each other for years and years. I love when that happens!

The next day more work but that evening Naomi and I got dressed for the Mendhi night at Sharon’s family home. I’d arrived in Toronto with five outfits for the five wedding days. My wardrobe has never looked so fancy.

I got a wedding pedicure!
I got a wedding pedicure!
My outfits scattered around Moh's spare closet in our room
My outfits scattered around Moh’s spare closet in our room
I chose my green lace Lindy Bop dress
I chose my green lace Lindy Bop dress and the green sparkly bag Jenn bought for me
A fancy version of me!
A rare and fancy version of me!

Sharon’s family lives in Woodbridge, which is just north west of Toronto. When we arrived, there were giant ceramic elephants in the driveway and family members were sitting in deckchairs on the drive and in the open garage. Someone told me to go to the tent in the back garden to get my mendhi done but when I arrived, there was quite a queue, so instead I went to get food from the large containers on tables in the garage. Continue reading “Sharon and Mohan’s wedding – Mendhi Night”

A wedding

Monday, 18 February, 2019

We were invited to a wedding. It was out of the blue almost. But it happened.

Krish has a friend he met online, Avi. He lives in Leicester, he’s visited us once, and he makes long phone calls to one or the other of us pretty regularly. He’s a great guy, a real pleasure to know and chat to. Genuine, polite and curious. Avi says things that surprise you – that’s because he is so honest about how he feels. This happily includes good things about you – he speaks openly about his feelings around you and what you have to say.  It’s quite refreshing.

Avi looked after his mum, who had Alzheimers, for years. His dad also had health issues. Avi’s life was completely tied up with that and he couldn’t ever do much outside the house. Then his mum died. His dad decided to take Avi on a trip of a lifetime to his own birthplace in India. Avi would call us to say how much he wanted to leave, how bad things were in India. Then when it was almost time for him to come back to the UK, his dad became ill and was put into hospital. Avi’s return was postponed while his dad went from serious to recovering, back to serious. The government stepped in and told Avi he’d overstayed his visa and sent him back to the UK to reapply. As soon as his new application was granted, back he went. While on his stopover on the way back to India, he got word his dad had just died. It broke my heart that had he been granted passage one day earlier, he would have been there.

His parents had wanted him to marry but every woman he met didn’t make the grade. With both parents now gone, Avi became more determined. Not too many months later, he called to say ‘I’m getting married.’ That’s a weird feeling. I knew our friendship would change, I knew his life would change, I wondered how it would be since it was an arranged marriage and he barely knew his fiancee.

A few months went by and I didn’t expect to be invited to the wedding but one day he called us to ask if we would be there. It felt like a great honour. Of course the day came – we had booked a hotel to take in the two days of celebration that we were invited to. The photos will tell the story!

Arriving at the wedding hall
Arriving at the wedding hall, I was startled by the glittery dresses and the gathering crowd to welcome the couple. I suddenly felt very under-dressed but excited. People passed me, all saying hello, and good morning. Very nice! Suddenly someone greeted me and it was Avi dressed in gold, walking into the hall It started to feel real.

A very grand hall with lots of sparkly dresses
A very grand hall with lots of sparkly dresses and smart suits. I realised I was the only white person in the room. A strange feeling. We sat at tables and Avi had arrived to show us over to a reserved table on ‘the boy’s side.’
First there was the civil ceremony
First there was the civil ceremony. Avi and Farrah exchanged rings and vows. The bride’s dress was red and gold.

Some narrative. I’ve never been to a Muslim wedding. There were hundreds of people. The women and children were dressed up very elaborately. Very often families dressed alike – the women in identical dresses and the men in matching colours – sometimes just a tie that matched the women’s dresses. There was heavy make up and jewellery. There was a lot of hugging.

The stage was arranged with thrones, and a sofa – white satin and gold. When the Nikah happened (the religious ceremony) the bride went up to a balcony at the far end of the hall and sat there with an attendant. The imam and Avi and close family members formed a circle of chairs down on the hall floor around them, but only the men. Chanting – not sounding too far from Hebrew – began, followed by a sermon or teaching of sorts, about marriage. When the bride came back, Avi and Farrah sat together on the stage and people came up to visit, take photos,  and deliver gifts. This was often boxes filled with clothing, shoes, jewellery… it was very showy. The whole thing was fascinating and once again I felt privileged to be there.

And of course there was food.

Menu and food
We had a printed menu. The food was delicious and plentiful. Everyone at the table was concerned it was too spicy for me. No!

People went up to the stage, while the queues formed and onlookers faced the stage, watching all the action
People went up to the stage, while the queues formed and onlookers faced the stage, watching all the action

Mendhi - all beautiful, showing off the gorgeous rings too
Mendhi – beautiful work, enhanced by jewellery and sparkly dresses
So under-dressed!
So under-dressed!
Like a king and queen at the coronation
Like a king and queen at the coronation

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Festivities and Hackney Festive Light Switch On!

Sunday, 2nd December, 2018

If November was dark and rainy, December is starting off very mild and even sunny sometimes. And it’s getting pretty Christmassy!

On upper Well Street, the florists are bringing out their Christmas best
At St Paul's church, the yellowed leaves are a nice mix with the trees on the tree lot.
At St Paul’s church, the yellowed leaves are a nice mix with the trees on the tree lot.
And this Turkish kebab place is accidentally festive!
And this Turkish kebab place on Kingsland Road is accidentally festive!

Check these daylight hours, though! By 3pm twilight creeps in and between 4 and 4:30 it’s just like night time. Yesterday I was thinking that, if I were working, it would be properly dark by the time I headed home. I’m not sure if other years have been so dark but they must have been. There’s just more cloud this year…?

Is it really December?
Is it really December?

However, December has lots of promise. I started jotting things down on one of my quickly drawn up calendars – I like to do this on paper and revise it almost daily. And this week there will be two workshops (one a serious mental health one, and one a fun Christmassy one) two family visits and there’s company coming over for dinner, if Susanne doesn’t succumb to her threatening cold. And Hackney is having a Festive Lights event, marking the first night of Chanukah and turning on the lights of the Christmas tree. I love lights and candles so I’m in!

Hackney's invitation!
Hackney’s invitation!

Continue reading “Festivities and Hackney Festive Light Switch On!”